santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Why is my wife asking me for a watch for christmas? She already has one on the microwave and oven!

   Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don't mix it up this year!

   Christmas Eve. As we they in San Francisco: May the corpulent bearded homo sapien in the scarlet suit smile upon your chosen shrubbery.

   I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am everyone's great big bag of weed when they come home for the holidays.

   Christmas and St. Paddy's Day are the busy season for midgets.

   As a kid, did you ever see Santa claw himself down the chimney and make fun of your pyjamas? My shrink claims it never happened!

   Dec 24th , Christmas Eve , the most exciting day of the year no matter how old you are .......

   Why no one ever pick Santa, or elves, or reindeers as a school's mascot? "Let's go Santa, Let's GO!"

   santa has to be the greatest criminal ever...a million cases of breaking & entering...the police everywhere know where he lives but he knows how to buy everyone of them off with gifts

   There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.

   Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

   I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   Life would be much easier if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   I'm out of Christmas wrapping paper? So I've simply converted birthday wrapping paper by adding "Jesus" after "Happy Birthday" in biro.

   A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother

   Santa has been cleared to enter US airspace. But he will be subject to strip searches by TSA. Since elderly people rarely file lawsuits.

   Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, will you be putting this up yourself? NO YOU SICK BASTARD!! I'm putting it up in my living room!

   Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

   The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.