santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, Please bring world peace, a cure to cancer, fix the financial crisis............ and please find, and land your sleigh on Casey Anthony's head. That's all...

   Ladies, you're running out of time to hump your way to some excellent Christmas presents from that guy you're sort of seeing right now.

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   it okay to fake my own death just so I don't have to spend Christmas with my family?

   ♫♪♫....I'm beginning to think I'm blocked for Christmas...♫♪♫

   The worst part about getting a monogrammed sweater for Christmas is having to find someone with your initials to regift the thing to

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   My sons love dressing up as Wardens and playing prison, their Grandma was shocked when she found out I had built them a miniature electric chair for Christmas....

   all I want for christmas is you... just kidding, get me diamonds.

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   I got my drug dealer $200 for Christmas and he got me a big bag of weed.

   For christmas I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

   Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, F*ck Kwanzaa.

   The weather man (drug dealer) says I can have a white Christmas (cocaine) with plenty of trees (weed) and now I'm happy (broke)

   Dear Santa , before I try to explain . Just how much do you aleady know .

   If you put your kid's GPA in your Christmas card's the grandparents might be proud of them but everyone else is gonna think YOU'RE a di<k!

   For Christmas I'm asking Santa for a great big sense of entitlement that can only be filled with materialism! - earth kids.

   You know you have a lot of tattoos when you can win an ugly Christmas sweater contest by going shirtless.

   Santa is the ultimate hipster. Works one day a year and spends the rest of the year judging you.

   Santa must think my name is Cole.......