Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5258 of 6446

the hell with taking me away...Calgone take all these idiots away from me!
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02-09-2011 13:46
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There's an 80% chance that a meteorologist is going to be wrong.
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02-09-2011 13:36
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I was just asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in egypt, but I suspect it;s some sort of pyramid scheme

Ladies...if the wind blows, and you hear a whistle...the 'gap' is no longer sexy, and you might want to consider different pants...
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02-09-2011 12:47 by M.A.C.
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An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex.
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02-09-2011 12:29 by Wolf
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when I was a little kid, we didn't have cool video games to occupy us for hours... if I had a ROCK and a roll of CAPS...It was a Good Day!

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."
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02-09-2011 12:19
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Jello is just kool-aid...with a hard on...
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02-09-2011 11:58 by Tyler G
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I cant wait till April 7th of this year!!! "Oh thank heaven 4-7-11"

Went grocery shopping this morning. I noticed that the bottle of household bleach I bought has a safety seal on its opening. Glad my floors or toilet won't be poisoned. Interestingly, however, my toothpaste does not have a safety seal. Thanks Uncle Sam!
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02-09-2011 11:39 by JC
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone and thought about how much better it would be if they had a personality...
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02-09-2011 11:17
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Party in my snowfort at 7pm. BYOB, no coolers needed.
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02-09-2011 11:09
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Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
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02-09-2011 10:26 by Michael
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party in my treehouse at 430
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02-09-2011 09:44
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Ever have one of those days where you want to punch someone so hard in the mouth that they will have to stick a toothbrush up their a$$ to brush their teeth?
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02-09-2011 09:05 by SEAN
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"Everybody loves metal music, or if they don't, they should, or will eventually." - Metal Musicians
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02-09-2011 07:04
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you're like an open Facebook
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02-09-2011 06:18
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When the Old Spice Guy comes after your girl, your not offended, your honored.
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02-09-2011 00:50
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just asked if I wanted to contribute money to help ease the political unrest in Egypt.... For some reason I just can't get passed my initial worry that this could turn out to be a Pyramid Scheme

Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in between them, Because theres no place like home.
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02-08-2011 21:53 by Seddy90
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