Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 523 of 6383
To the NBA post: what are you, stupid? NBA players criticized those communist countries all the time. What the hell is wrong with you?
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10-15-2019 11:20
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Funny how the NBA players and coaches are quick to criticize the Prez but won't say anything negative about a Communist country that imprisons those who speak out...
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10-15-2019 11:01
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Every time you yawn in October a ghost put his package in your mouth...
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10-15-2019 09:27
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Is it 5 seconds from when it hits the floor or when I see it? I just noticed a skittle under my desk. I don't remember eating skittles.
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10-15-2019 04:17
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"I don't know what else to say..." Me, giving my husband false hope
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10-15-2019 04:16
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I moved out of my parents house so I could have sex whenever I wanted, I had no idea it would always be with myself.
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10-15-2019 04:16
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If you are ever out in public and you see misbehaved kids running around - start running with them it really brings the nonsense to a halt.
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10-15-2019 04:14
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A sudden wind kicked up leaves and spun the rooftop weathervane, meaning somewhere in town two witches brought the same spinach dip to coven meeting AGAIN.
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10-15-2019 04:12
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“Hey, watch your mouth!” I yell at the woman in this park that’s just letting her pet mouth run around all willy nilly.
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10-15-2019 04:12
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Some of you need to review your settings or medication... I’m not sure which but it’s definitely showing.
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10-15-2019 04:11
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It’s like all of my wife’s friends say - stop sucking on my loofah and get out of my house
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10-15-2019 04:11
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Considering the effort it takes to get into these damn things, I consider them all sports bras.
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10-15-2019 04:11
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To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon...
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10-15-2019 00:58 by MrSharp
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I'm pretty sure Jesus never taught people to only look after themselves and to ignore the poor and hungry.
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10-14-2019 23:48
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Just so you know, only looking out for yourself and abandoning everyone else isn't very Christian like. You know that's true.
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10-14-2019 16:03
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I just heard someone call an e-cigarette a "douche flute." Now my life is complete.
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10-14-2019 03:39
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If aliens ever flew overhead and observed me walking my dog leading me around with a leash picking up his poop behind him I wonder if they would confused who's in charge of this world?
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10-13-2019 22:32
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It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
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10-13-2019 17:30
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I'm just playing devils avocado here
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10-13-2019 17:29
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I'm the kind of guy who brings his phone charger to the party.
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10-13-2019 17:29
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