Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just got arrested by a drunk cop. He keeps asking why I pulled him over. There's something wrong here.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 17:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a smartass... Just being around me makes you feel like a dumbass...
←Rate | 02-18-2011 17:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I named my d!ck "Hopes" because I like to keep my hopes up.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 17:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The other day, I read something that made me piss myself. It was a sign, it said "Toilets closed."
←Rate | 02-18-2011 17:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This census and Tax stuff is crap. I want to live in a country that doesn't assign homework.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 17:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook Privacy Settings Tip: See where it says, "Automatically share my personal information with identity thieves, sex offenders and all my psycho exes? Yeah, you're gonna wanna unclick THAT box.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 16:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you send me a "send this back" text, I will send it back to you 100 times.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 16:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me, or does "I Am Number Four" just sound like a really bad Brett Favre pickup line?
←Rate | 02-18-2011 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACEBOOK IS A HELL OF A DRUG!!!
←Rate | 02-18-2011 16:17 by @Steady Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What is that? A banana? Aw who gives a $hit?" -Disinterested George
←Rate | 02-18-2011 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear REALLY Cool Car Owner, Seems your car felt the need to take 2 parking spots today…I read once that this is caused by a lack of social skills, so that is why I dinged it up a bit, and left this message via key…just trying to help it ‘fit in'â€
←Rate | 02-18-2011 15:31 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Charlie Sheen has been giving people advice on sobriety. Hmm, that's kind of like Tiger woods or Jessie James giving advice on how to be a good husband.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 15:27 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon well a very, very heavy uh heavy der burtation tonight, we had a very daris darison, bite.. lets go hit taris tazen los tada bet dahadapet....there's no telling what you'll say when you have a migraine.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 15:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber was shot last night!!! Well, on an episode of CSI. If only art could imitate real life for once, this would be the time!
←Rate | 02-18-2011 13:38 by digitalevolutionDJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon was wondering why kamikaze pilots bothered to wear helmets!
←Rate | 02-18-2011 13:03 by alinkc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do all the beautiful women with blond hair, dye their roots brown?
←Rate | 02-18-2011 12:07 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 12:06 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Presidents Day is just another Monday I'm celebrating Sarah Palin not being president
←Rate | 02-18-2011 12:02 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Wondering if Snookie's parents have a bumper sticker that says, "Our daughter is a slut on Jersey Shore" or "Our Slut can beat up your Slut!"
←Rate | 02-18-2011 11:48 by Bill C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon trying to explain the urine on the ceiling.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 11:43 by Bill C. Comments (0)  




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