Funny Status Messages

   Just saw Dianna Ross on Oprah, wow I don't think I'll ever get an erection again

   They should just put a big ol' "Fu** You!" sign up beside the gas prices at the gas station...

   A smart man just marries the right woman, even if it does take him years to find her.

   Anyone else think Charlie Sheen snorted the fine line between recreational use and addiction?

   Some people treat their body like a temple. I treat mine like a cookie jar.

   Scr*w you recommended serving size. You don't know me

   A SMART WOMEN spends all her husbands Money so he cannot Remarry, A SMART MAN makes more than his Wife can SPEND!!!

   Saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning.... Use Rear Entrance". I thought it was good advice.

   I was googled Whine of the month club, and Wisconsin came up.

   Eskimos supposedly have 52 words for snow. That's weird, so does Charlie Sheen.

   The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail...

   Who would have thought that giving an actor with a history of drug addiction $2 million an episode would have turned out badly?

   It's official I've finally been over notified.

   Did I un-jam the copier? Yes. Does that make me a hero? Not for me to say. But probably.

   Deleting all emails as they come in without reading them. Like a boss.

   Apparently Cheryl Cole must drop her accent for the X-Factor to succeed in America. I reckon the show would work better if she dropped her knickers instead.

   I've been trying to teach my mate how to play golf recently but the problem seems to be his drive. His wife stands on it and doesn't let us out.

   Nobody touch me for 5 minutes and give me a cigarette...I just filled my tank at the gas station

   Then the psychiatrist's gave me the good news: I was going to have a disorder named after me..

   The problem with us beautiful people is that most people hate us.