Funny Status Messages

   doesn't know what the problem is... I keep drinking 6-packs but my abs never look any better.

   I may not have the gift to grant your wishes, but until then, I'll make your dreams come true.

   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

   USA lost many lives on 9-11-01 and Japan lost many lives on 3-10-11. Add the dates together and you get 12-21-12.

   who ever said that it takes two to fight never seen the crackhead at 7-11 yelling at the wall I love niagara falls

   I used to spend anywhere between $90-$200 on ed hardy shirts..now I use them as rags to clean my car... smh

   last night I prayed for the Lord to stop me from going bald, and to regrow hair. This morning I woke up with a 6 inch hair growing out my ear. Well played Lord, Well played

   Scientists now can grow a urethra with seed cells from a boy's bladder; before using urinary parts from pigs' bladders caused patients to "go wee wee wee all the way home."

   Roses are red, your panties are moist. I'd take you to bed but I don't have a hoist.

   needing a triple shot of that juice!

   I'm only going to waste 23 hours tomorrow.

   Hey Japan whats shakin?, ..Too soon?

   n't that normal?? Doesn't everyone pee in the shower?

   We do it on the bed,on the kitchen counter,on the floor and in the backseat of a car.Gosh...we text EVERYWHERE!

   I am not defined by my past. I am prepared by it.

   I didn't slap you...I just high-fived your face :)

   Thinks Justin Biebers new haircut makes her look too mature! slow down girl, you got plenty of time to blossom into a woman!

   I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....

   Why does facebook have an option for "In a relationship, but it's complicated"? Are any relationships easy?

   “How depressing, it's so cold and grey,” said The Bride, looking out the window. “Well, it is March, it comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb,” I replied, coming up next to her. It was then I noticed the dead elephant lying in our front