Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nothing says "mentally I'll and loving it" like stuffed animals in your car window.

   If I talk really loud like that I could make you look like a bad guy too

   Time for some night time sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head fever I can't feel my lips I think I just peed the bed medicine.

   watching Jersey shore can cause herpes of the eyes.

   Actually Japan lost lots of lives on 3-11-11. Remember they are a day ahead of us. So no it's not an coincidence. Your not scaring anyone. Go to bed and stop tripping out ;-)

   doesn't know what the problem is... I keep drinking 6-packs but my abs never look any better.

   I may not have the gift to grant your wishes, but until then, I'll make your dreams come true.

   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

   USA lost many lives on 9-11-01 and Japan lost many lives on 3-10-11. Add the dates together and you get 12-21-12.

   who ever said that it takes two to fight never seen the crackhead at 7-11 yelling at the wall I love niagara falls

   I used to spend anywhere between $90-$200 on ed hardy shirts..now I use them as rags to clean my car... smh

   last night I prayed for the Lord to stop me from going bald, and to regrow hair. This morning I woke up with a 6 inch hair growing out my ear. Well played Lord, Well played

   Scientists now can grow a urethra with seed cells from a boy's bladder; before using urinary parts from pigs' bladders caused patients to "go wee wee wee all the way home."

   Roses are red, your panties are moist. I'd take you to bed but I don't have a hoist.

   needing a triple shot of that juice!

   I'm only going to waste 23 hours tomorrow.

   Hey Japan whats shakin?, ..Too soon?

   n't that normal?? Doesn't everyone pee in the shower?

   We do it on the bed,on the kitchen counter,on the floor and in the backseat of a car.Gosh...we text EVERYWHERE!

   I am not defined by my past. I am prepared by it.