Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   like a good neighbor state farm is there....with the winning lotto numbers

   Some lady, said I was like a cuddly big bear.... Funny, I was just thinking about scrimmaging through some trash cans and mauling some hikers. -_-

   When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.

   Man with the Oil Spills and now the Nuclear Meltdowns we are gonna blow up this planet one day...I'm thinking bout packin my sh^t and moving to another planet..Which planet did the 3 boobs lady live on in the movie "Total Recall"??

   Dang, these gas prices are higher than Charlie Sheen.

   Daylight savings is the lamest form of time travel.

   Ever notice that "What the Hell" is always the right decision?

   I got Adonis DNA.....Just check my bed sheets! WINNING!

   I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part of.

   I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.

   Libyan uprising, Japan quake/tsunami, impending nuclear reactor(s) metdown -- BUSH'S FAULT

   If athletes wear 'JUST DO IT' shirts...do drug dealers wear 'JUST SELL IT' shirts?

   You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

   I rather have that one in a million friend rather than a million friends-Josh Frazier-

   I think I discovered time travel...I put instant coffee in the microwave.

   What is the meanest thing you can do to a person? Take the light bulb out of the bathroom and leave the plunger in the toilet!

   Happy Pi day!!! Party at my house.. BYOC (Bring your own calculator) :D

   I demand a “That's what she said” button be added to Facebook

   Fashion tip of the day: If your thighs stop moving 30 seconds after you do, say NO to spandex.

   The world needs a hero, I'll go change my clothes..