Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ‎ So, did France like lose at rock, paper, scissors or something? I mean France?

   Finally some "CHANGE" we can sink our teeth into. Chicken and Waffles at the I-Hop!

   I will never go Bungee Jumping. Put all your faith in a piece of Rubber? I got here because of its failure and I don't plan on giving it a chance to take me out!

   Tonights Forecast in Libya: A beautiful full blue moon followed by a sky filled with long range missiles and a great air show.

   Civil war divides Libya into Libya Majora and Libya Minora.

   if you cant face it, moon it. but just for tonight, you can also supermoon it. its like mooning it but a bit closer

   Decided to add upsets to my bracket this year. So far, I'm the only one that is upset.

   don't beleive all the rumours on me, the true is much worst.

   You know what they say about a man and his feet, That's why I don't find my fear of being raped by a clown irrational.

   Why do we need algebra? Finding X is only useful if you're a pirate.

   I read CAPS LOCK words in a Billy Mays voice

   I still haven't set my clock forward and refuse to acknowledge the time change. I'm not losing an hour of my weekend

   I'm watching hoarders...getting decorating tips

   In recognition and apprehension for our first day of Spring tomorrow, I say a BIG F.U. to Winter!

   Did the Colonel really call President Obama his son?? Why am I not surprised.........

   I would've hated to have been the guy that had to change the light bulbs on The Green Mile......."Really?? Again??"

   I named my iPod 'Titanic' so when I enter it in iTunes it says 'Syncing Titanic' and I feel like a H E R O when I press 'Cancel'

   Why don't women take off their shirts before a fight like guys do?

   "Why is it that if a girl has sex with more than one guy she's a slut but if a guy has sex with more than one girl he's a legend?" The guy replies "If a lock can be opened by more than one key it's useless but if a key can open many locks its a master key

   As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass