Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was singing Rihanna's new song last night when my wife was in the room.... Lesson learned... Sticks and stones might not hurt.... But whips and chains do...

   If my statuses offend you, please let me know so I can remedy the problem....by deleting you.

   I think the saddest April Fools' joke is thinking there's only one day we devote to lying to each other.

   thinking of deleting her friends on facebook that get 300,000 or higher on Bejeweled Blitz.. that way I can finally be #1!

   After a long first game the Cubs seem to have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, Congrats to Ryan Dumpster, 6 runs in 6 innings not a bad start..

   Guns don't kill people , My cousin does!!!

   I've been voted Most Likely.

   I heard they found the deadly Egyptian cobra that was missing from the Bronx Zoo.....It was in Lindsay Lohan's purse!

   Neighbor not a radioactive zombie. Btw, completely unrelated, but any ideas for an "I'm sorry" gift for someone in hospital.......

   when girls get there period,they should change there relationship status to"Out of Order"

   I'm ecstatic about this radioactive wind, this is my closest chance to get those superpowers I always wanted. Thanks japan!

   listening to Obama's "good news about the economy" speech was the best April fool's prank yet...

   Anyone who thinks Fool's Day comes just once a year, doesn't work where I work!

   The battle between the giant soft drink manufacturers is over: Pepsi One® Coke Zero®

   The voices in my head got mad and stopped speaking to me...now I'm bored

   If they gave out awards for laziness, I would send somebody to accept it for me.

   I've been calling this random number asking for John all day with diffrent voices.. When I get home I'm going to call him back and say "this is John, do I have any messages"..

   I'm saving my April fools joke for tomorrow. No one will see them coming...... ; )

   Either Mother Nature had one of the best pranks in history for April Fools by saying that we were getting 7 inches of snow today or our weather men are just plain retarded! Either way....well played!

   It's not how many woman you know, but how well you know woman