Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   the best way to get out of a text conversation: "The message could not be delivered. Please try again later. Error 226110."

   hates people who use facebook to exhibit depression and their general hate for the world...this is not therapy ppl. I dont give a f***

   Maybe it's Maybelline... Maybe it's Photoshop.

   I walked by a tanning salon yesterday and at the door was a black dude handing out flyers and he wore a big card that read *I GOT MY TANNING HERE!!!*

   ‎"Girl, you must have farted, cuz you blew me away"--Using this pick up line as soon as the opportunity presents it self lmfao

   the more guys I meet, the more I love my dog :)

   I'll take Gary Busey & his nonsensical ramblings over Charlie Sheen & his b.s. any day.

   It takes many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.

   Need relationship advice? Use Baby Philosophy: If it stinks, change it.

   I know a lot of people that remind me of clouds. Mainly because as soon as they disappear my day is brighter.

   need one more Red Light so I can get through this level of Angry Birds.

   Thanks Rebecca Black, because of you I don't know if I should sit in the front seat or the back seat.

   dont be a woman that needs a man, be a woman a man needs

   They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?

   I love the wind.. It's the only time I ever get blown

   Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.

   Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

   It would blow everyone's mind if one day Charlie Sheen just pulled off a mask & it was San Kinison.

   I'm changing my relationship status to 'It's complicated' ...I can never decide which hand to use

   soo upset that I mixed up my voodoo dolls. If you feel any sharp, stabbing pains, please call me and describe the location. Thanks