Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Guns don't kill people , My cousin does!!!

   I've been voted Most Likely.

   I heard they found the deadly Egyptian cobra that was missing from the Bronx Zoo.....It was in Lindsay Lohan's purse!

   Neighbor not a radioactive zombie. Btw, completely unrelated, but any ideas for an "I'm sorry" gift for someone in hospital.......

   when girls get there period,they should change there relationship status to"Out of Order"

   I'm ecstatic about this radioactive wind, this is my closest chance to get those superpowers I always wanted. Thanks japan!

   listening to Obama's "good news about the economy" speech was the best April fool's prank yet...

   Anyone who thinks Fool's Day comes just once a year, doesn't work where I work!

   The battle between the giant soft drink manufacturers is over: Pepsi One® Coke Zero®

   The voices in my head got mad and stopped speaking to me...now I'm bored

   If they gave out awards for laziness, I would send somebody to accept it for me.

   I've been calling this random number asking for John all day with diffrent voices.. When I get home I'm going to call him back and say "this is John, do I have any messages"..

   I'm saving my April fools joke for tomorrow. No one will see them coming...... ; )

   Either Mother Nature had one of the best pranks in history for April Fools by saying that we were getting 7 inches of snow today or our weather men are just plain retarded! Either way....well played!

   It's not how many woman you know, but how well you know woman

   Im not sure if its your bday or not so I'll give you a HAPPY and maybe send the BIRTHDAY later

   Punxutawney Phil came back out today and wrote a message in the snow. It said, "April Fools!!" Looks like Ground Hog season is starting early this year.. Lock and load!

   MSNBC is reporting that iguanas and other lizards near Japan are showing signs of radioactive saliva during normal excretion. I told you Godzilla was coming didn't I!?

   Happy and in a good place this morning. Now... If only I could remember how the hell I got here!!!

   Just got pulled over for going 73mph in a 55mph. After the 20 min lecture the Officer said he was giving me a warning as he handed me a slip to sign... I looked at him puzzled so he says "April Fools!"...jerk