Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you start smoking beers and drinking cigarettes its time to quits call it.

   Hey Honey... Remember that trip to Yellowstone we have planned this weekend?....

   I keep hearing this week is the big 17th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death. I'm just wondering why we are suddenly celebrating 17th anniversary's like they are significant somehow. Otherwise, shouldn't he wait until 20th or 25th like other dead people?

   Love is patience. Love is kind. Love is making me lose my mind.

   News Flash: Bears in Yosemite rejoicing over possible government shutdown.

   Procrasturbate: Putting off doing something more important for something more "exciting"

   Happy Government Shutdown Day everyone!!

   That awkward moment when your EX is you Doctor O_o!

   To the Fast and Furious franchise has started production of their latest movie. It is tenatively called Tokyo Adrift.

   People know what tautology means or they don't.

   Developing News: I already started drinking.

   Advice of the day: Never do a runner from a Kenyan restaurant.

   What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion! (I'm here all day)

   Funny is grown adults who think they are still in an AOL chat room! haha

   One word that says It all "SHUDDAFUGUP"

   Funny how Facebook is Fantasy Island for some. They pretend to be something they are not on FB but in real life are real douchebags!

   Cheered myself up earlier by putting a “no U-turn” sign in a dead-end street.

   gas prices are higher than Charlie Sheen !

   Fought a guy in a wheelchair. He said I'll get you when I get to heaven and get my legs back. I said, it's a Stairway to Heaven, not a ramp.

   I think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster.