Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can't figure out why people that wave, think that any action they take is permissible? Sure...cut me off, speed up in front of me....but as long as you wave your hand at me...its okay?!?!

   The question asked "have you ever been convicted of a crime" followed by "explain why"... so I put "no" and "good lawyer."

   Karma Sutra: When fate f*cks you in all sorts of creative ways.

   The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard.

   When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.

   I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help... so I hired a hitman.

   You know telling the kids that the Easter bunny is watching just doesn't have the same power as Santa's watching!!!

   Nic Cage arrested for domestic abuse. Hope the judge throws a book at him -- y'know one that has good scripts & acting tips in it!

   FYI Nic Cage, If you keep telling police to arrest you, eventually they will do it....Hope the judge throws a book at him, you know one that has good scripts & acting tips in it!

   Does anyone else look at Gadhafi and think of Carlos Santana?

   I am still sitting here completely in Awe of how Samuel L Jackson is going to be portraying Martin Luther King, Jr. I can picture it now, "I had a dream mother f*cker!"

   A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

   Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

   Ok so English petrol price is £6.72 a gallon so in Dollars $10.97 and you lot are complaining about $4.00(£2.45)???

   They say it's hard when gas prices are higher than yourGPA.....Gas prices have ALWAYS been higher than my GPA.

   I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my tree house

   Before you fall in Love with a girl with spakling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head

   - You know life is hard when gas prices are higher than your GPA.

   I just bought 4 new pairs of underwear.. Which means I can wait 4 more days until I have to do laundry again.

   The most exciting fact about life is the fact that everything you imagine happens somewhere and sometime in the universe.