Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wonders.

   At what point does Wonder Woman go Google things to know about them instead of only wondering and turn into Know-It-All Woman?

   Press the F13 button to get a surprise! Yeah that's right ;-)

   FAA= Fell Asleep Again

   99 years ago today, the heroic captain guided his brand new ship, the Titanic, head long into an iceberg to help and try and save at least a few hundred future great grand kids of all the passengers from having to listen to Justin Beiber 98 years later...

   Three midgets walk into a mini-bar.

   If I see someone trying to seize the day, I'll step in and try to save the day.

   Tankruptcy - (ˈtæŋk rʌpt si) The act of watching your car's gas gauge move from 'Empty' to 'Full' while your checking account balance simultaneously moves from 'Full' to 'Empty'.

   ITS Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!

   Its friday everybody! Maybe I should make a song about it.......u know, just to get the word out

   can't seem to come up with anything clever this morning, apparently the voices in my head have decided to sleep in.

   First that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!

   99 years ago today, the Titanic chose to hit an iceberg and sink rather than spend another day listening to Celine Dion.

   Be careful what you wish for... I may not fit in that bottle but I have great aim......

   Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

   Dear Mr. Obama I know that you are busy with that whole deficit thing, but I seem to be having a deficit problem of my own paying over $4.00 a gallon in gas is not helping my situation maybe you can be a pal and look into that for me, Thanks.

   Ever have one of those days when your keys kicked your ass at a game of hide and seek?

   I think people must start requesting some sort of C.V or background profile on paper before engaging into relationships, would be advantages to know things like ful service history, Mileage, accurate shoe size and of cause HIV statuses

   the missus was not happy when I took out the tampons in her box and replaced them with party poppers!

   thinks that if ever there comes a time when air is going to be sold, I bet the first people to start that business would be the guys making potato crisps....well, they are already selling us bags of air with some crisps!