Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you think that illegal immigration is a real problem?          A. Yes------- 20%          B.  No-------- 10%          C. No comprende---70%

   I wonder what the person I`m going to marry is doing right now

   wow 15 notifications.. oh wait 13 of them are for farmville, cityville, I dont give a sh*t-ville

   Have you even seen an airplane landing without wheels? I never knew legs could kick that fast.

   i farted at work today, and a co-worker complained about the smell. Its air passing over $h!t what'd you expect it to smell like?!

   Mondays are part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.

   A rumor goes in one ear and then out of many mouths.

   I will never eat a foot long corn dog at the nude beach ever again

   , you know something is wrong when THIS GUY has better credit then the US government!

   For my assignment to do a paper on Nihilism, I turned in a beige unruled blank page with my name on it. When I got a "C" I could FEEL the irony. Then I found out EVERYBODY got "C"s. Well played, professor.

   In a perfect world you would be able to mark people as spam in real life.

   Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

   We may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong reason. But one thing is sure, mistakes help us to find the right person!

   Just Unfriended a Facebook Friend on their Birthday… that takes TRUE GRIT!

   You put a black man in the White House and they give the country a negative credit rating!

   there are three little words I love to hear, that remind me how amazing the world is, and always makes me smile: WELCOME TO WALMART!!!

   there is no validity to greatness achieved if not accompanied by humility....jr

   When I die, i'm gonna have a "like" and "dislike" button on my gravestone. And just a word of caution: If you think its gonna be funny to push the "dislike" button, wait till you see what you look like when all the voltage passes through you...

   oly crap! I just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1987.

   my idea of a drinking problem is not having any booze to drink.