Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Okay ladies, here is the deal, we will stop talking about masturbation if you stop talking about your period. Fair trade.

   Happy Easter to all of my Chicks and Peeps!

   Painting beer cans for later.... Happy Easter!

   I do more drinking before 9:00 am than most people do all day.

   Happy Easter Yolks!

   If I dont see you this Easter, Hide your own balls

   Too many hollier than thou people with no sense of humour around.

   Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs. Happy Easter!

   They tell us not to put all our eggs in one basket, then Easter comes and they only give us one basket!

   sitting here watching out the window as the neighbor kids are finding the "chocolate" eggs I put out.. they came out great. Ex-lax was alot harder to mold than I thought it was gonna be...

   Success is a process... During that journey sometimes there are stones thrown at you, and you convert them into milestones

   just broke my damn thumb again!! Really need to take it out my a*se before I sit in future..

   Dear Bible, you forgot to include us in your story. Sincerely, the dinosaurs

   Happy Easter and remember kids, watch out for Obama supporters. They will take 1/2 your eggs and give them to the kids who were to lazy to hunt for their own......

   poking things that confuse me with a stick.

   May all your beans be jelly and may no bunny poop in your basket.

   Q: What's the difference between Hitler, Stalin & Obama?... A: We know where Hitler and Stalin were born.

   So what I have observed is that the Michelin tire guy pretty much pulls tires out of his rolls of fat and throws them at his enemies. Wierd.

   The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

   I was looking through and fondeling melons today at Wal-Mart.