Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Plagiarism saves time.

   I literary just saw a chicken cross the road. I want to stop and ask him "Why"?

   Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

   Hubert J. Schlafly Jr., inventer of the teleprompter has died....President Obama said to be speechless...

   There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye... I don't know what that means but think about it.

   The only perfect science is hindsight.

   OK, I'm going to admit it. Its been bugging me for about 10 years now and I need to get it off my chest. I let the dogs out.

   Facebook - creating and destroying relationships since 2004.

   Honestly can people quit falling for these Facebook scams and virus's all this 'view her commit suicide' or links to other random crap like 'view whos seen ur profile' - just dont click on it! Their all bugs so avoid at all costs! Dont let curiosity kill

   I didn't say your stupid just everything you like is

   Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul are hosting a singing competition on Fox! Who comes up with these radical new ideas?

   work me harder, makes me better, do me faster makes me stronger.

   Lieutenant Dan, ice cream.

   When Johnny Walker does his taxes, he puts me as a dependant...

   My new hobby is Ice Sculpting... yesterday I made a cube

   If my death is as extraordinary as my life... then I should go quietly in my sleep.

   has been considering a lobotomy... it seems like a no-brainer.

   I must be allergic to peanuts. I break into a rash every payday.

   I only came here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're almost outta beer.

   "Wow, this place is so clean! I could literally eat off the floor!" - my dog at every place she's ever been.