lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Imagine how much fun women in burkas must have tagging each other on Facebook.

   "Find your ideal partner on Facebook!" No thanks, I can safely say that one quality I am not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm.

   Oh sh*t, my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up.

   We childproofed our homes but they are still getting in.

   At a recent job interview: What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths? Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.And your strengths? I'm Batman.

   It's no coincidence the people who call the cops when parties get loud are the people who never get invited to parties.

   This day is going so well..ill give it 10/10/10!

   Been there. Done that. Bought the T-shirt. Sold it on EBay. Made a tidy little profit.

   People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.

   There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

   My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?

   George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles

   Computer Geek's Pickup Line: Is your name Google? No. Why? Because you have everything I've been searching for!

   Charlie Sheen is really coming to the defense of Lindsay Lohan. In fact, he's set up a website asking the media to leave her alone. The site is doing great, it's received almost as many hits as his wife.

   I'm thinking of re-releasing my old statuses in 3D.

   I left my cross-eyed girlfriend today. The b*tch was seeing someone else.

   Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

   Studies show it's okay for me to simply say "studies show" in front of anything and it becomes accepted as fact.

   I was shopping online and saw a horse that I rather liked. So I clicked "Add to cart."

   You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.