Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Going half way across the state this morning, and you know what that means...this truck is now a rolling karaoke machine.

   Try and find me now Sucka!- bread tie

   Ever find out your wiper wash is empty AFTER you have smeared bug guts all over your windshield?

   As a Truck Driver, let me say after several days of mid 90 degree temps, beaver season is in full swing.

   Hiding in the restroom at work, just to post this (;

   Shout out to all the people on my friends list who have hidden me from their wall, and are unable to see this post.

   Damn Guess it's time to get out of the tub, my phones almost dead.

   ****PILOT****

   The correct measurement of toilette paper is from the dispenser to the floor for two-ply, and dispenser to the floor with a half turn for single.

   When you accidentally like a stranger's picture as you scroll on your smart phone.#stalkerfail

   I'm currently killing a twelve pack, and every squirrel within fifty yards of my porch. Love me some Saturdays.

   Today is the day in some households, that colored eggs get dumped in the trash. Because enough is enough.

   The workin man blues, is being wide awake before 5am on your day off.

   Tweakers tend to use Five Hour Energy's dirty cousin, Five Inch Line Energy.

   Safe sex back in my day was not getting caught.

   Dear Mr. Coffee, Do you even manufacture a coffee pot that doesn't spill when you pour out of it? -Early Riser

   If you didn't make one corner of an old metal swing set pop up in the backyard, you sucked growing up!

   To the Athiests that use the Lord's name in vein, make up your mind. Do you believe or not?

   Setting up eggs on the fence and letting the kids shoot at 'em with paintball guns. That's how we do it in the country!

   Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?