Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When this is over.. What meeting will you need to attend first.. Weight watchers or AA ?
←Rate | 04-03-2020 10:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having some states locked down and others not, is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 08:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hugh Hefner ran a company wearing pajamas so can you.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Germans are going to be hit with large fines if they invade someone else's space! 80 years too late if you ask me?
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:20 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral.
←Rate | 04-03-2020 07:13 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been working a side hustle delivering for restaurants and so far as I can tell, those X-rated movies are bull crap.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 20:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven’t wanted to drink an ice cold beer this bad in a bar since I was underage.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 19:53 by Morm Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grown ass men on Facebook playing Eye spy..Really?..Well when you're done playing that, maybe you can pull out your childhood easy bake oven, and make us all some cupcakes.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 18:23 by @therealtimmyt Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tomorrow is the National Homeschool Tornado Drill. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With this corona virus thing, just heard that infidelity is down 99.9%
←Rate | 04-02-2020 13:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the bright side, at least we found a way to stop mass shooting in schools, offices, malls and concerts.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 11:55 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know who needs to hear this, but you already ate.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 09:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon List ten jobs. Nine should be jobs you have actually done. One should be a lie. Let's see if people can guess the fib! My list is below: 1. Waitress 2. Bartender 3. Video Store Clerk 4. Payroll Acct 5.Factory Line Worker 6. Auto Parts Manager 7. Chef 8.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With the stay at home order in some states, I wonder how soon it will be before we start hearing about people going stir-crazy like Jack Nicholson in the movie The Shining.
←Rate | 04-01-2020 23:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks for the post!
←Rate | 04-01-2020 23:11 by DavidDug Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend is terrible at geography...his grade is below C level
←Rate | 04-01-2020 22:25 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend comes up to me and says "Hey I smell weed!" I said "Why aren't you 6 feet away?"
←Rate | 04-01-2020 22:18 by USA1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the pigeons be like where the eff is everyone??
←Rate | 04-01-2020 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there another tax we can pay to stop Covid 19 or does that just work for climate change?
←Rate | 04-01-2020 17:37 Comments (0)  




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