Funny Status Messages

   I love that ordering delivery now feels like helping the country & rebuilding the economy whereas before it just felt lazy & financially irresponsible. #WednesdayThoughts #SaferAtHome

   Remember laughing at Michael Jackson wearing mask and gloves. Now you all out here looking like you wanna be starting something.

   I've absorbed so much disinfectant and soap that when I pee I clean the toilet

   Last night was amazing out dancing and singing with all my friends together celebrating the end of the Coronavirus!....until our garbage truck outside woke me up :/

   Whoever said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store clearly lied. Everyone else had clothes on.

   I guarantee there's a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks 'Covid' would be a lovely name for their child.

   Animal rights activists are currently looking for rabbits to volunteer for vaccine testing.

   Day 4 without a shower. I hope stink kills the virus!

   One of the hazards of sheep farming must be trying to stay awake while taking inventory.

   I’ve got your stimulus package right here.

   This quarantine got me thinking… What did our parents do to pass time before the Internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and none of them knew either.

   All of us are tools to some degree. It's just that some are jackhammers and some are 1/4" nut drivers.

   This isolation was getting to me, so yesterday I decided to go jogging. Big mistake. My thighs kept rubbing together and my legs caught on fire.

   Face timing people vs seeing them in person during this virus thing is the same as eating pu$$y with a balloon on your tongue.

   Home quarantine going great so far but not sure what day it is or what hour it is and I’m not really sure where I parked.

   Dear, Sheep. Bear in mind that the medical health experts sounding the alarms concerning how we handle this epidemic, are the same people who can't figure out whether eggs are good or bad for you.

   I think I'm almost finished reading the internet. Any other good suggestions what to read besides the backs of peanut butter and hand sanitizer containers?

   Why can't we guys have simple, friendly conversations with women on Messenger without them immediately thinking we're in a relationship with them? Press 1 for pathetic.

   All countries have the Coronavirus, but China got it right off the bat

   Folks, can we stop arguing over what to label the virus? Here, allow me to break down the acronym... COVID-19: CO=Chocolate Oreos. VI=6 dozen. D=Dunk them in milk. 19=The avg. number of lbs. gained during quarantine.