Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   With all the money used during war in afghanistan, the americans could have written f*ck off bin laden on the moon!

   When did advertising with tweakers and homeless people with signs become the norm?

   WARNING FOR ATTRACTIVE MEN: Aliens have come to Earth and are planning to abduct the smart and good-looking. But don't worry, I've alien-proofed my bedroom. You can be safe there...

   The only thing I know of that is beautiful & ugly at the same time is seeing one of my updates stolen. Oh, and Angelina Jolie taking a dump.

   God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fees.

   searching Netflix for a movie to watch and found one that's titled after what all the women of my past have said to me... "I Love You, Don't Touch Me!"

   You know you were raised Catholic when you're watching Star Wars and hear "the force be with you" and you respond "and also with you."

   just ate from an unmarked tupperware container at the back of the fridge. I think it was chicken yogurt.

   The person who loves you more.. Will fight with you daily.. Without any reason But.. Whenever you're sad he will fight with the world to end your sadness..

   Don't waste your time on things that only hurt you, and remember to forget those who forget you.

   Drama = Dumb Retard Asking for More Attention

   Money doesn't bring happiness although… shopping does!

   I think it's okay for dorks to stare at beautiful women. I mean, it's not like they can see us anyway.

   Angry Birds suicide hotline, which level are you stuck on?

   Doing the job of three men, Larry Moe and Curly.

   going to the drive-in in my RV and parking right in front of you!

   My farts aren't usually this loud. This chair just makes them echo.

   Some people were dropped as a baby, but then there's some that were clearly thrown at the wall

   everybody makes mistakes.... just ask your parents!

   wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said!!