Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm opening up a tattoo shop just for blind people. I wont really tattoo them. I'll just stab'em with a needle taped to a vibrator for an hour

   Great, first MSN. Then freindster, now the spam has came to facebook. Just what everyone needs, a Social Networking page filled with bulls^!Ys!!!

   Why do I know all the words to Cher's Shoop Shoop song? And why is it impossible to look cool when you get caught singing it in traffic

   wishes the cold froze off fat rather than ass...

   If you are tanner than your girlfriend, you are wrong.

   Admits he chooses a Presidedntial Canidate on the basis that they resemble someone on the cast of Saturday Nite Live.

   Dear Cellphone companies>>>Please add an "Unsend my text" option!!

   if you don't like someone on facebook, there's this awesome block button. it saves a lot of drama.

   Dont cry poor to me--- as you update your status from your I-Phone!!

   Hey MARIO..!! Remember me??? I wasted my CHILDHOOD saving your girlfriend

   Treat your girl right, or another guy will

   I head they found a stash of porn with Bin Laden, guess that would be considered "Weapons of mass-terbation

   It's finally cheaper to buy a cup of coffee than a gallon of gas.

   heads or tails? Heads you give me some tail. Tails you give me some head.

   Facebook doesn't need a "dislike" button what it needs is a " noody effin cares" or get over yourself your really not that special button"

   No wonder you're so fat.......you're full of sh*t!

   okay mother nature, enough with the rain! I get the fact your sad, but you had to realize Joanie and Chachi werent gonna last forever.

   can somebody fix my parents...they always say their broke

   Spongebob is Asian. He's yellow, can't drive and does karate.

   Yes your girlfriend is beautiful and I totally dig that you guys just met, BUT, He is my neighbor and works in a drag club.