Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Perhaps tomorrow's Rapture really is going to happen. I just heard Oprah's last guest is going to be God

   Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have a few things I need to confess: I let the dogs out, I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I hacked play station, I was on Navy Seal Team 6 and YES I did cause global warming.

   last night, I laid in bed, looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "where the hell is my roof?"

   The police are looking for someone sexy, funny, and great in bed. Now your ugly a** is safe but do you have anywhere I can hide?

   planning on driving around to random churches Saturday night and leaving piles of clothes so that some people will believe they have been left behind on Sunday morning. You in?

   Anyone get the feeling that it is going to take an act of God to change anything around here?

   If the world ends tomarrow like they say I'm just glad I maxed out my credit cards.

   They say the end of the world is very near, So what if Saturday is the end of the world? If I get sent straight to hell its going to take me at least a week to realize that I'm not still at work.

   sorry folks! All the tickets to the rapture have completely sold out. Better luck next time!

   Jack Bauer has 24 hrs. to stop the Christians from ending the world!

   thinking... Since the world is ending tomorrow; meaning today is the last full day of life ... I'm thinking about hosting a Pre-Rapture Sex Party. Message me for the details! ;)

   blonde: ugghh what does idk mean? random girl: I don't know! blonde: omg no one knows!!!!!!!!!

   Hey listen..If the rapture really does happen on Saturday, I totally call the popemobile.

   In memory of matcho man R.S. and in preparation for the Rapture, I'm going to buy enough slim jims to snap in to for the next five months

   The Rapture isn't going to happen as long as people keep trying to predict when it will happen. Stop guessing, live life like you know your supposed to and He'll get here when He gets here!

   One of God's greatest pranks would be to leave Rihanna behind as the 'only girl in the world' on saturday.

   Of all the Savages. First I hoped Michael Savage, then I considered Fred Savage, but alas, its the finest Savage of all.

   that akward moment,when you go to a public restroom and the seat is warm!!

   Live, Laugh, Love. If that doesn't work, Ready, Aim and Fire.

   building my weekend playlist. So far I have REM "It's the End of the World" and Anita Baker "Caught Up In the Rapture". Any suggestions?