Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   've got a pretty good pre-rapture music mix going: "End of the World as We Know It," Jackson Browne's "Disco Apocalypse" and "Before the Deluge." And, of course, "Stairway to Heaven." Any other suggestions?

   Kissing burns 58 calories an hour.

   It's not often I write the word "bananas," but I always pause and thank Gwen Stefani when I do.

   Dam you rapture this is exactly as my last crapy life..guess I'm in hell..!!!

   Feels sorry for the astronauts on the space station. If the world ends who will bring them supplies?

   What time Is The Rapture? I Wanna Make Sure I Have On Clean Underwear!

   well, so much for the world ending....i even charged my phone and installed the battery saver app!

   At this very moment hundreds of men are using the "It's the end of the world tomorrow" pick-up line.

   I've made a decision. When I die, I am going to have my butt mounted above the fireplace so I can keep an eye on all of you.

   I hope they have Facebook in heaven...

   Im sensing a global nervous laugh...

   Last night I awoke to a warm gentle rain on my face........and then I realized I was sleeping on the bottom bunk......................

   Did the world end while I was sleeping? Because my room looks like and earthquake came through. I guess they have Facebook in hell.

   Ladies this is your last chance before the rapture to send me pics of your breasts!!

   Wating for that moment at 12:01 am when Jesus and Ashton Kutcher pop out and tell us we all got punked...

   Picking out an appropiate outfit for a Rapture is so frustrating....and I don't even want to get into picking the right accesories...

   They tried to make me go to rapture and I said no, no, no.

   where's my invisibility cape?? I wanna stay till the end!

   My Facebook Wall: Drama free since I deleted my dramatic friends.

   I really don't mind if you don't something for me as long as you dont' say you are going to do it but don't.