Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Proctalgia Fugax Is A Pain In The Butt.

   Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

   If you watch Godzilla vs. King Kong you really need to upgrade from basic cable.

   If you watch Godzilla vs. King Kong backwards it's about two monsters who forget their differences and build a city

   Just denied 47 requests to play FarmVille, apparently I need new friends.

   Google turned 12 this year, so now we have 1 more year to use it before it turns into a teenager and wont answer anything!

   “HeY dUdE wHaTs uP?!” Dude, is your caps lock having a seizure?

   Harold Camping should star in Southwest Airlines next "Want To Get Away" commercial.

   just asked what he felt the moment he pulled the trigger and killed Bin Ladin. His answer was "Recoil"

   expierencing difficulties coping with the limbostic stages of his transitional existence.

   ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ Sorry, I just dropped my bag of Doritos ......

   imogen thomas been paid to do giggs in manchester she cant wait

   I havent seen a spider in days. WTF ARE THEY PLANNING??

   Who you tryin' to get crazy with ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

   every time I come home after being around another dog, mine looks at me like I cheated on him

   I hate having to hold my wife's purse when she's buying shoes, especially when she's buying them on Zappos!

   just saw a homeless guy blasting Nickleback on his radio, proving that listening to Nickelback leads to homelessness

   Maybe you should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside

   Whenever someone deletes me as a friend I automatically think, crap they found out how many times I viewed their photos.

   the voices in my head must be almost out of beer,cause I can kinda understand'em