Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That awkward moment when your friends gets in the club and you don't...lol...

   Right hook!! Right hook!! Body blow!! Body blow!! Uppercut!! Uppercut!! the last entry in "Glass Joe's" diary....

   Atheists - 2 Harold Camping - 0

   The three words women hate to hear when having sex: "Honey, I'm home!"

   Never again will I eat a foot long corn dog at a nude beach.!!!

   Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.

   Anyone besides me have that totally narcissistic FB friend that post the most mundane things about their life because they think people actually care? Typing this while pooping.

   was really hoping the rapture would have taken away all the people that believed the rapture was going to take them away.

   Forget health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

   was really hoping the rapture was coming to take away all the people that believed this rapture was real.

   he loves heavy metal ... gold , steel and lead are his favourites

   Harold camping: turning the world atheist, 1 bogus prediction at a time

   Fella's: If your wife says she might be pregnant. Saying"I am pro choice" Is frowned upon......apparently!

   Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don't want to see.

   This guy's all like "I think you've had enough beers for one night." Then I'm all "Scrw you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."

   Kharma, what did I do to deserve this?! ...Oh, now I remember. Carry on then.

   I keep forgetting the rules. When Jesus doesn't show up, is that 6 more weeks of winter?

   I bet Harold Camping's church service Sunday was pretty awkward.

   ''Its difficult not to judge urself by someone else's reaction''

   wonders why Monopoly never gave us any explanation as to why we had to "Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200". Seriously, what the hell was that about?