Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   well done naagraj, 8 consecutive posts with no likes. Your a legend

   whoever just posted these last few statuses is a complete IDIOT!!

   Three resons to stand up. 1) to go bathroom 2) to get the T.V remote and 3) because your the real slim shady.

   So you hate me? Is this the part where I start crying? Bi*ch please! Take a number and sit your a$$ down with the rest of them bi*ches waiting for me to give a f*ck.

   I know this sounds crazy but I totally see Jesus's face in this painting of Jesus.

   I call the toilet at work Mrs. Star Trek... because I just Shatner.

   If you guys don't start telling me when my status updates don't make sense... I'm gonna start matriculating bananas to the chimney of the coral reef.

   Ate some bad Indian food... and now I know how to pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to.

   I'm not playboy, I'm stick to one... its just happen that many girls outside are playgirls and I'm one of their victims...

   The media loves controlling this country. They promote NOT to drink & drive/text & drive but yet every third commercial its either about a car, a phone, or a alcoholic drink...and a little bit of insurance ads down your throat.

   I'm tall dark annd handsome...when its dark, I'm handsome...btw...I'm really not tall either

   That awkward moment when you give a mint to a person with a horrible bad breath....they take it, then put it in their pocket!

   No one ever seems to realize that when your EX says after you brake up, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you again," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.

   WARNING: Asking people about their weekend may result in them telling you about it.

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives.

   Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

   There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.

   I'm red all over. From my head tomatoes.

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.