Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 489 of 6383
I hate it when I eat my last bite, not realizing it’s the last bite, then immediately get sad because I wasn’t able to mentally prepare.
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12-31-2019 19:04
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You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will probably be put on YouTube by the time you make bail. -Fact of life
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12-31-2019 19:03
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After a lot of thought and research, last night I finally made a decision on my New Years Resolution.....going with 1080p
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12-31-2019 16:31
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12-31-2019 11:00, I said it once and I'll say it again. If you're not happy here, the leave! No one is forcing you to stay.
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12-31-2019 13:33
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National debt top $22 Trillion for the first time in US history! Recession, here we come! So much winning!
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12-31-2019 13:27
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Freddie Mercury has replaced Elvis as the go to star for Boomer ladies.
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12-31-2019 12:58
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The deleted scene from Home Alone 2 was Trump talking to Kevin Mcallister and asking him to find dirt on Joe Biden.
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12-31-2019 12:03
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My No 1 Resolution for 2020.. Only eat white snow.
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12-31-2019 11:39
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It's not that I can't stand people who attend the University of Florida, it's that I can't stand the red-necks who love the Gators.
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12-31-2019 11:19 by Fazzy
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T Js is garbage. None of these are funny and most are reused from years ago. The prime time on T Js was from 2012-2013 now it’s just pathetic. And I’m sure the mod will delete this. But truth hurts.
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12-31-2019 11:00
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Now that it's New Year's eve I expect big big changes tomorrow!
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12-31-2019 09:51
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As a Grandparent, my only New Year's resolution is to give less than 30% of my salary in 2020 to the Disney Corporation.
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12-31-2019 06:41
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Little known fact: BILL NYE is short for William New Years Eve
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12-31-2019 06:41
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New Year's Eve is just a myth created by the government to sell you more years
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12-31-2019 06:40
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Spent too much money over Christmas so tonight I'm going to party like its $19.99
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12-31-2019 06:29
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New year, new me *finally fixes that plate thing in the microwave so it rotates*
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12-31-2019 06:28
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Divorce Log 2006: My ex had her credit card stolen, but I didn't report it. The person who stole it used it less than she did.
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12-31-2019 06:05 by Fazzy
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I'm not making any New Year's resolutions this year as they always just go in year and out the next.
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12-31-2019 01:17
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You can tell a lot about a person by the music on their iPod.
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12-30-2019 18:02 by MM740
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No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....