Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You might as well do your Christmas hinting early...

   K.Y. Slip-n-Slide party at my place tonight!

   Okay, I'll stop. But shouldn't I listen first, THEN collaborate?

   I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi, or right and wrong for that matter.

   It takes longer than 2 years to clean up 8 years of Elephant Dung but feel free to blame it on the guy with the broom.

   Mr. Kevorkian: Lifes a fragile thing. one minute your chewing on a burger, the next minute your dead meat...

   That awkward moment when you run into an EX that you have purposely avoided and broke up with on FB.

   I have come to the conclusion that people who have had their statuses disliked will go on a revenge mission and dislike other people's statuses no matter how good they are.

   If you're physically knocking someone down to get into the Casey Anthony trial then you need a letter from a mental health specialist proving why you're unemployable

   Woke up with the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed... at first I was afraid... I was petrified

   When keeping it real goes bad - making an ass of yourself on your man's facebook wall while trying to mark your territory and make the hos on his friends list jealous.

   I hate when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep" B!tch, you need to hibernate.

   so, you are what you eat. hmmm That's funny, because I haven't eaten any sexy beasts recently.

   I'v got a demon in me,evrything I touch goes wrong-The Hangover 2 ♥

   When visiting the plastic surgeon's office, never go for the sales rack.

   It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, if you don't check in on Facebook with your iPhone you were never really there.

   I was walking down the street and saw my Arab friend shaking a rug on his porch. I shouted out to him "What's wrong Ahmed, won't start?"

   it's very easy for a woman to impress a man. Just show up naked and bring beer.

   When will women ever learn? Never introduce your man to your hotter friend.

   lovin' this cold front of 93* its better than tha temp we been havin 103*...sincerely Alabama