Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4867 of 6452

Harold Camping must not have realized that the rapture was just going to be for him...
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06-13-2011 14:43
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always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, just incase
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06-13-2011 14:25 by kibobi
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Once in a while you need to ask yourself, If sex was removed from your relationship, would you still be together. Would you still have a relationship to talk about? Or you owe your relationship to great sex?
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06-13-2011 14:21
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sex a benefit of a relationship or is a relationship a benefit of sex?
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06-13-2011 13:54
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I'm not a Dallas or Miami fan, could care less who won and the Lebron james jokes are stupid.....Kill Yourselves
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06-13-2011 13:51 by SeanyB
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I know I am not getting any action when my wife comes to bed wearing skinny jeans. Thats her code for you piss me off so you not getting any tonight.
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06-13-2011 13:47
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When will men ever learn. Dont piss off your woman and expect her to fix you a delicious sandwich. Believe me you don't wanna know some of the ingredients she will use.
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06-13-2011 13:40
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If you are one of those people on Facebook that does the little "Questions about people?" apps... Before you post one on my wall... Do me a BIG favor... Look in the mirror and hit yourself in the head with a hammer one time for me... Thanks!!! /:)
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06-13-2011 13:36
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would like monkey bars alot more if they were less like playground equipment, and more like places monkeys go to drink beer and socialize
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06-13-2011 13:18
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if your password is your name, you deserve to be hacked
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06-13-2011 13:15 by kibobi
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where do all the characters go that you type on the keyboard before you realize the cursor isn't in the box?
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06-13-2011 13:13 by kibobi
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Im all about recycling and this green movement and all but I just read that my new boxer briefs were made from 100% recycled materials. Yea, can they not do that....
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06-13-2011 12:47 by DooDoo
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I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic

Scars remind us of where we've been, they don't have to dictate where were going
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06-13-2011 12:13
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Errant 'Rapture' Prophet Harold Camping Suffers a Stroke..guess he didnt see that one coming.
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06-13-2011 12:07
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no matter what happens in England my queen will always be Latifah
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06-13-2011 11:43
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Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
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06-13-2011 11:13 by J. BIAZA
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So this chick yelled that I was hot and she wanted me and this loser thought she was talking to him...awkward
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06-13-2011 10:10 by Brad Pitt
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I've been told I have a face for Photoshop.

I wonder if all hot girls go through life believing that everyone is being genuinely nice to them all the time.