life Funny Status Messages

   I think I'll open a lemonade stand, you know.. for those lemons that I collected through life. . .

   Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.

   LIFE is a game a REAL game

   Not now, Life. I have fake people to impress on the Internet.

   You're really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women

   @nbcagt: "I once got trapped on an escalator when the power went out and I was scared for my life!"

   People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.

   Did you ever wish you could sometimes freeze frame a moment in your day, look at it and say "this is not my life"? 'Robin Williams, Mrs doubtfire'

   "Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life."

   Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.

   Instead of moaning about how much your life sucks try getting drunk like normal people

   Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don't know who this woman is but she's my new life coach.

   In hell, you have to pick just one person to have sex with for the rest of your life. Wait...

   I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.

   Sucking on a woman's nipples helps prevent breast cancer. Make sure you know the woman, cops don't care if you were trying to save her life.

   today I screwed in a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked in to a bar ...my life is a joke

   Some might argue that having spider webs in your kitchen sink is a sign you need to cook more... I, however, see it as a sign that life is pretty damn good! (Let's go with that)

   Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...

   I bet you won’t judge the tattoos of the person saving your life.

   We all have those friends that are fine to 'hangout' with on FB, but in real life you wanna punch them right in the face. Oh wait.......that's my family.