Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wants to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.

   After being dumped, everyone should have the right to tie their ex up and interrogate them.

   I don't get why all my drug dealers are so unreliable?

   Before we work on artificial intelligence, Why don't we do somthing about natural stupidity?

   Dear girl with flip flops on and has six toes. I enjoy your confidence but let's get some boots on

   There should be a temporary ignore function on cell phones.

   Remembers the days when editing a photo involved for scissors and tape...

   Still Cant Believe Were More Than Halfway Through This Year o:

   Please, smart people, stop getting out of jury duty.

   I hope the penalty for providing false information to law enforcement officers includes sterilization.

   You may be an open book but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma

   Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos.

   Oh good, now we can SEE the years haven't been good to that person we haven't talked to since high school...thanks Mark!

   Tough times never last but tough people do

   That feeling you get when you know whats going to happen at the end of a scary movie but yet you still bite your nails through out the movie

   You may be an open book but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner macanations of my mind are an enigma

   If you cant dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bull$hit. -Abraham Lincoln

   I don't get the toilet seat issue that woman have. I won't put my naked butt on anything without looking at it first. Apparently some woman ar not so discriminating

   Damn white cars that look like cop cars! I just chugged my beer super fast for nothing

   Doing the old....how many woman have I slept with count....God I hate fractions