Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he's just going to use it for drugs and alcohol, and then I thought... That's what I'm going to use it for

   Walmart, because going to Target requires a shower

   Why can't braille just be in the shape of the letters?

   80% of people have a brain, the other 20% are in my friend list clicking on spam as we speak

   I can already hear the birds judging me for sleeping till noon tomorrow.

   whenever I get tired of being single I take a dump on myself, to remember what its like to be in a relationship

   i hate it when you go to a vuvuzela concert and people start playing soccer

   If you lose something let it go, but when it comes back, that's how you know.

   Sometimes things just don't work out....like when you finally get your foot in the door, someone slams it!

   who ever said "the freaks come out at night" has obviously never been to Walmart during the day

   i hate people who take drugs, customs and police for example

   you know why some people always run their mouths??..because talk is cheap and for some, it's all they can afford

   a life with no regrets is a life no lived, I would rather strike out swinging than to sit there looking

   i love you like a fat kid loves cake, but right now the fat kid is on a diet

   the bigger the sunglasses, the uglier the face

   my new summer accesory is a fly swatter, not to use on flies but to actually pimp slap people who feel that its not necessary to use deodorant

   man code #3: if your friends zipper is down, that's his problem, you didn't see nothing

   pimpin hoes doesn't mean you have game, just means your own kind recognize you

   ladies first is just a polite way of saying I wanna check out your booty

   janet jackson flashes a titty and all hell breaks loose, while on the other hand rick ross can just flaunt his knockers anywhere he wants