Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   RT @ebertchicago Friends don't let jackasses drink and drive

   Marilyn Manson had a Sex-Change Operation and people now call him Lady GaGa

   a little upset that someone from Jackass went and died off camera.

   Jimi Hendrix God of Guitar \m/

   You guys do realize you are all mourning someone famous for shoving hot wheels up their ass right?.. OK just checking.

   morning radio shows exist to read the internet to old folks.

   Perfect example of living life to the fullest kids...... RIP Ryan Dunn, jackass.

   RIP Ryan Dunn. I'd like to think you entered the afterlife being slingshot in a wheelbarrow.

   Dear Children, When you look in your closet, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you'll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says "Ok, it's later!"

   Well... this work isn't going to stare at itself...

   You'd be surprised at all of the "that's what she said" jokes you can make if you watch 5 minutes of a little kids show.

   If you ever think your invention idea is stupid and won't make money, simply remember how many people bought a Snuggie.

   R.I.P Ryan Dunn you will forever be remembered, as the guy who stuck a hot wheels up his ass on jackass

   Just reminding everyone that it's Monday, just in case any of you were feeling overly optimistic.

   wondering if its ok to change the name of the event "naming ceremony" of a child to a "Product Launch"

   The moment you say you are too good for someone is the moment they know the reverse is actually true.

   I was just looking through my spam email when I saw this advert. "Pen1s Enlargement - 80% off". That doesn't sound like an enlargement to me!

   I say "Monday" like "Jerry Seinfeld says "Newman!"

   Ladies, always keep a V-8 in your car in case you're pulled over so you can pour it over your crotch & say "I need a tampon please let me go."