Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hope I'm the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.

   Sorry, but I don't take relationship advice from single people. That's like taking advice on how to jump hurdles from a dude with no legs.

   if this is what hell is with weather in Chicago, than I am repenting as we speak!

   Wondering if people will start looking at pictures of the moon in 'natural color' and not 'greyscale or B+W' like NASA has been showing us for 50+ years and realize a secret so profound, it will change the course of mankind forever...

   Wondering if Americans are going to allow themselves to be fooled by their own intelligence agencies into really believing that their nation is at risk from hackers, allowing their government to completely reformat the Internet the way they see fit

   I don't have tourette's...random thoughts just fall out of my mouth!

   Wondering why the American government has been spending millions of tax payers money on building massive underground bunkers, tunnel systems and strange prison like camps all over your country. Sincerely: Your concerned friends north of the border

   It's so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

   They say milk gives you strength. Drink 3 glasses and move a wall. You can't. But drink 3 shots of vodka and see - the wall moves on its own! :p =D

   I'm not saying she was stupid, but I asked her how to spell Mississippi and she said 'the river or the state?'

   so apparently Pearl Visions "Share the Pairs" event, isn't what you would think...

   hmm, not sure if the thermometer is laughing at me (lol) or if it actually says 101..

   I advise you not to mess with me.. I know karate, kung fu, taekwondo, judo, jujitsu, and 47 other dangerous words.

   Life is too short to remove the USB drive safely

   Miss Brazil was robbed at gunpoint. According to Witnesses It was a clean snatch

   Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee.

   Dear Warner Bros: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.

   I just keyed 2+2=5 onto the hood of a Smart Car.

   Not being able to see the forest for the bears is a lot worse.

   Have you ever wondered why you can always read your doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription?