Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You think its hot where you're at...... you should feel it where I am - Osama Bin Laden

   WELCOME TO FACEBOOK, the place where relationships are perfect, liars believe they are telling the truth, & the WORLD shows off they are living a great life; where your ENEMIES are the ones that visit your profile the most, your FRIENDS & FAMILY block you

   Used to comment and joke when the didgets were in their hundreds now your a pretty tough crowd

   It is so HOT in my town ... Water in public swimming pools is evaporating so fast that children are being encouraged to swim in the deep end and keep ignoring the,"no peeing" rule...

   The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

   Rather than raising the debt ceiling, why can't we just have a shorter government?

   Just brainstorming about debt. Uh, instead of raising the ceiling, what about lowering the floor?

   A man can lose alot of money chasing women, but he will never lose a woman chasing money!

   - If Washington raises the debt limit, they should buy every American a Bud Light and charge it to China.

   Last night I found an unopened can of warm Bud Light on the floor of a cab. I'll answer your question with a question. Did I have a choice?

   If you have a pic of a celebrity as your profile pic I am gonna assume you are one ugly b!tch with extreme low self esteem.

   Has come to the conclusion that strippers are just panhandlers with a really good gimmick

   Some people make me understand why monkeys throw their poo.

   will shoot at me or that I might drive over a bomb in the road today! Thanks to all who serve.

   they need full length mirrors at the self-checkout line in the grocery store

   going to follow people around today with a xbox controller and yell this sims game sucks!

   Satan called, he wants his weather back..

   Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!

   I am the guy who breaks the link in chain letters without even giving a rat's a$$.

   I be getting high just to balance out the lows.