Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every time I hear the dirty word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

   friends are like potatos,if you eat them they die

   Whenever I see a Mattress on top of a car, I wonder to myself if its a prostitute makin house calls

   The hardest part about going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting that you don't have a problem...

   I attended my 35 year rerunion last night. I didn't walk into the ladies room, spill a drink on anyone, walk into a wall, or offer my lap to a stranger. I'm really starting to grow up ..... and its a little sad.

   Elton John will perform at Amy Winehouse's funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon

   When you judge someone, it doesn't define who they are, it define who you are.

   Single is not a status. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others

   27 Club: Jimi Hendrix [✓] Janis Joplin [✓] Jim Morrison [✓] Kurt Cobain [✓] Amy Winehouse [✓] Lady Gaga [ ] Justin Bieber [ ]

   Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

   just read where Monica Lewinsky turned 37 yesterday, how time flies, seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the Whitehouse on her knees........

   Sheesh, The Heat hasn't been this bad since the NBA finals.

   finds all the RIP's for a drug addicted Amy Winehouse and none for the 92 innocent people killed in Norway yesterday rather ironic.....

   To the person who said "God didnt put tattoos" on Amy Winehouse, God didnt make haircolor either, but Ms Clairol isnt going to hell. Ignorant moron.

   Do not assume that one without religion is lacking faith.

   Amy Winehouse joins the Forever 27 Club. When does Lady Gaga turn 27?

   How does the man in the moon cut his hair?.........Eclipse it!

   They tried to send Amy Winehouse to the coroner but she said no, no, no. Just kidding, she's dead and didn't say anything.

   You can't judge a book by its cover. I read that on a book cover. It's like a life lesson if you really think about it.

   Stories that have been ripped from the headlines are the best. Except the ones ripped by bears. They're really hard to read.