Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If CN N told you the only cure of covid-19 is to jump off a bridge. Which bridge are yall going to choose...

   Maybe my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than three of my Facebook friends in 2020 was asking for too much?

   A Man's Take On Marriage: An arrangement where you're owned by someone else, yet don't actually own anything yourself.

   I know that people want to go back to work because they're broke, but there's still a serious virus floating around. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that being broke is better than being dead.

   the crows and the ducks are having a turf war in my backyard it’s like the squawkiest version of west side story ever

   Social distancing requires a good supply of air horns.

   There is no such thing as a stupid question except maybe "Isn't it really about time you IRS guys audited my return?"

   If you take the 'I' out of 'Illness' and replace it with 'We', then you get 'Wellness'

   Canada doesn't allow polygamy ,so I got me a wife with Multiple personalities .

   If you are throwing a football, a baseball or kicking a soccer ball in a park, you need to be more than six feet apart. If you aren't, you're in big trouble because you really suck at your sport.

   If a fart can go through underwear and a pair of jeans, how can a mask made of cloth save you from Covid? Asking for a friend...

   I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger

   Hey I got a novel idea, if it takes 14 days Coronavirus to start showing symptoms how about we all stay at home for 14 days!

   With all this quarantining the earth is cleaning up! Let's keep it that way. Remember, the earth isn't Uranus!

   I really hope the post office finds my $200 package from eBay & that someone didn’t actually steal it off my porch.

   The law doesn't allow polygamy ,so I got me a wife with Multiple personalities .

   The 11th Commandment:...Thou shalt not covid thy neighbor

   Pro Tip: Add some chicken bones and bay leaves to canned soup and everyone will think you made it.

   Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.

   Walmart is asking customers to wear masks. Good luck with that. They can't even get them to wear pants...