Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm feeling kind of heavenly today, I just turned water into Kool-Aid.

   If you never seen it with your own eyes, or heard it with your own ears. Don't think it in your tiny brain, and spread it with your big mouth.

   I think some people should have two Facebook pages. One for each face.

   Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire

   Facebook should have a who cares button.

   MTV is 30 today!! Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, Martha Quinn and J.J. Jackson....you're hard work was for nothing guys "Reality Show Killed The Video Star"!!

   9 times more people are killed by falling coconuts than by sharks. I CANNOT WAIT for Coconut Week!

   Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.

   Dear Slut, Maybe if you closed your legs and opened your heart you might actually find true love and know happiness.

   "If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in five years there'd be a shortage of sand.

   Eating p*ssy is like driving a car, got to be careful or you'll hit the a**hole ahead of you.

   The chicken crossed the road so he can show possums that it can be done!

   They are teasing me again on the Food Network!

   Why don't they air "Shark week" in the winter when we all don't care about swimming?

   A box of poptarts to any one that can find my underwear.

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Shark Week

   I think the WHITE HOUSE should think outside the box now!

   When people go camping. are they practicing being homeless,lol?

   Sometimes my mind wanders. I don't know what it does the rest of the time.

   If you cross the N. Korean or Mexican border illegally, you get 12yrs. hard labor If you cross the Afghanistan border illegally,you get shot. If you cross the U.S. border illegally you get a job,a driver's license, food stamps,place to live, health care