Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   they should cast Demi as Ashton's girlfriend and rename the show - 'Two and a half decades older'

   Sky News: Police to use Plastic Bullets. Fu*k me, the Recession has hit us harder than I thought.

   now friends with 'cold beer' and '11 other cold beers.'

   to UK Down We're not exactly thrilled with the situation ourselves after being screwed financially & legally by Europe & the US for 60 years.

   Don't let him ruin your life, he already ruined your mascara

   n't it funny that 60 years ago, the British Empire took over half the World and any people who protested were shot immediately...yet, now they can't control a bunch of rioters in their own Country?

   I'm not the kind of guy who will be an a**hole for no apparent reason. But if you cross me and give me enough reason, I'll make your life a living hell.

   If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours.

   Last night, a car crashed into a Taco Bell by my house. Customers were shocked to hear screams and explosions that weren't coming from the bathroom.

   If there isn't a group of stoner college kids with a Summer cleaning business called "High Maintenance" then I'm truly afraid for our next generation of leaders.

   Without ME, it's just AWESO

   Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there's a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.

   Remember me? I used to be your best friend when you were single.

   I see debt people.

   I'm multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time

   I'm going to reserve judgement on the Super Committee until I see them in their costumes........

   Did you know it is physically impossible to stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time? Did you also know you're now an idiot for trying LOL

   Admit it, atleast once in our life, we all have tried to balance the light switch in between the on and off position

   if you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it

   Mexican word of the day is MUSHROOM: Usage: “When all my familia gets in the car, there's not mushroom left.”