Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Everyone google "Tulsa Tower Guy" He's a crazy naked black guy that climbed this 300ft tower 6 days ago and they can't get him down!
←Rate | 08-16-2011 14:59 by tower guy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook: A place where you can make your life look like something it's not.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 14:20 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried ginko biloba pills for better memory, but I can't remember to take the pills.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may hate myself in the morning but I'm gonna love you tonight.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 13:43 by NO BODY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't be pushed around by your problems; be led by your courage.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 13:30 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon if she is wearing silly bands she is too young for you Bro!
←Rate | 08-16-2011 13:13 by sparkles Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let everyone know what is on your mind, but let only a few know what is in your heart.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 12:51 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twinkle, twinkle little star, show me to the nearest bar, down the street and to the right, I'll be there...all damn night!!
←Rate | 08-16-2011 12:46 by Charlie Comments (0)  


   messageicon “She ain't you" is by far Chris Brown's best hit since Rihanna.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon more frustrated than a one-legged Ethiopian watching a donut roll downhill
←Rate | 08-16-2011 12:19 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think its time to give in to sin. The devil on my right shoulder just killed the angel on my left with his pitchfork.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 12:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A snail goes into a car dealership​ and says, "I wanna buy a little car. And I want you to paint a big "S" on the side of it." Salesman says, "OK, but why?" Snail says, "So when I pass by people will say LOOK AT THAT LITTLE S-CAR GO!"
←Rate | 08-16-2011 11:42 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon If her shoes still light up, she's too young for you.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your not going to remove that deer carcass from the side of the road can you at least turn his head so hes not looking at me while I drive by drinking my morning coffee!
←Rate | 08-16-2011 09:28 by Rod Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll keep my guns, my freedom & my money. You can keep the "change" !
←Rate | 08-16-2011 09:07 Comments (1)  


   messageicon There's nothing worse than being cheated on...actually being cheated on with someone unemployed and ugly is worse.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got 99 problems...dont be the 100th.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 07:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:54 by JB Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Statue of Liberty is undergoing renovations. She's sure to attract a lot of immigrants with her new D-cups
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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