Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4669 of 6446

Everyone google "Tulsa Tower Guy" He's a crazy naked black guy that climbed this 300ft tower 6 days ago and they can't get him down!
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08-16-2011 14:59 by tower guy
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Facebook: A place where you can make your life look like something it's not.
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08-16-2011 14:54
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Insomnia causes questionable browser history.

I tried ginko biloba pills for better memory, but I can't remember to take the pills.
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08-16-2011 13:55
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I may hate myself in the morning but I'm gonna love you tonight.
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08-16-2011 13:43 by NO BODY
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Don't be pushed around by your problems; be led by your courage.

if she is wearing silly bands she is too young for you Bro!
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08-16-2011 13:13 by sparkles
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Let everyone know what is on your mind, but let only a few know what is in your heart.

Twinkle, twinkle little star, show me to the nearest bar, down the street and to the right, I'll be there...all damn night!!
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08-16-2011 12:46 by Charlie
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“She ain't you" is by far Chris Brown's best hit since Rihanna.
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08-16-2011 12:28
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more frustrated than a one-legged Ethiopian watching a donut roll downhill
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08-16-2011 12:19
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I think its time to give in to sin. The devil on my right shoulder just killed the angel on my left with his pitchfork.
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08-16-2011 12:10
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A snail goes into a car dealership and says, "I wanna buy a little car. And I want you to paint a big "S" on the side of it." Salesman says, "OK, but why?" Snail says, "So when I pass by people will say LOOK AT THAT LITTLE S-CAR GO!"
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08-16-2011 11:42 by Mike M
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If her shoes still light up, she's too young for you.
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08-16-2011 10:45
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If your not going to remove that deer carcass from the side of the road can you at least turn his head so hes not looking at me while I drive by drinking my morning coffee!
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08-16-2011 09:28 by Rod
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I'll keep my guns, my freedom & my money. You can keep the "change" !
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08-16-2011 09:07
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There's nothing worse than being cheated on...actually being cheated on with someone unemployed and ugly is worse.
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08-16-2011 08:17
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I got 99 problems...dont be the 100th.
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08-16-2011 07:05
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have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
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08-16-2011 05:54 by JB
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The Statue of Liberty is undergoing renovations. She's sure to attract a lot of immigrants with her new D-cups
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08-16-2011 05:53 by flinnie
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