Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4653 of 6446

There aren't many things that I believe less in the world than than some tech support guy in India telling me his name is Jeff.
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08-21-2011 10:11 by Mick F
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Only use deodorant under one arm....that way you know what you would have smelled like.
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08-21-2011 10:02 by K-Mac
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A smile is the same in every language, I'm pretty sure the pee pee dance is too...
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08-21-2011 09:40
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Facebook is starting to remind me of my ex-wife... throwing things I said years ago back in my face.
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08-21-2011 09:24 by MIKE m
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I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I get distracted easily because my head..... SHOULDERS, KNEES, AND TOES!! KNEES AND TOES!!

After only one date, I knew her "emotional closet" was a walk in!

I am nicknaming you "Big toe" cause sooner or later I am going to bang you on the coffee table.
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08-21-2011 08:29
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Damn deceptive thumbnail pics. You think you're seeing some hot little sweetie, then you click on it to enlarge the thing, and it's a cake!
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08-21-2011 08:19 by MTQ
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I don't wanna be loved I just wanna quickie No bite marks, no scratches, and no hickeys !
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08-21-2011 04:57
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How are you gonna dress like a ho, talk like a ho, walk like a ho, act like a ho, and then get mad when you are approached like a ho, addressed like a ho and treated like a ho? Silly ho.

We're both fiction, you're too good to be true, and I don't exist to you.
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08-21-2011 04:44
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Sending mixed signals should be a federal offence!
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08-21-2011 04:42
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Pretending to be someone else is hurting and sabotaging yourself because you're telling yourself that the real you, is useless and worthless.
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08-21-2011 04:40 by The VOICE
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BOY: Hey you must be tired... GIRL: Let me guess, coz I was running through your mind all day? BOY: Hell No! From jumping to conclusions, b*tch
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08-21-2011 03:59 by BAD GUY
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If one drop of rain can find it's way to the ocean, one prayer can find it's way to God.
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08-21-2011 03:29
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If 10 minutes after sex, the man is not hungry and the woman is not passed out, temporarily paralyzed, then somebody didn't do their job right.

watching a Blade movie marathon and began to wonder; where did all these vampires learn there martial arts? What after-hours karate school do they go too?

expecting the unexpected...so now the unexpected is expected thus, I am expecting the expected.. unexpectedly. ..
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08-21-2011 00:24
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Ok, fine. I'll admit it. Most of the time when I'm in the bathroom, I'm hiding out from my kids.
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08-20-2011 23:30 by F
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Sometimes I think the only thing keeping me from knocking my kids' teeth out is not having dental insurance.
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08-20-2011 23:28 by F
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