Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon There aren't many things that I believe less in the world than than some tech support guy in India telling me his name is Jeff.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 10:11 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only use deodorant under one arm....that way you know what you would have smelled like.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 10:02 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon A smile is the same in every language, I'm pretty sure the pee pee dance is too...
←Rate | 08-21-2011 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook is starting to remind me of my ex-wife... throwing things I said years ago back in my face.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 09:24 by MIKE m Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I get distracted easily because my head..... SHOULDERS, KNEES, AND TOES!! KNEES AND TOES!!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 09:12 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon After only one date, I knew her "emotional closet" was a walk in!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 08:31 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am nicknaming you "Big toe" cause sooner or later I am going to bang you on the coffee table.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 08:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn deceptive thumbnail pics. You think you're seeing some hot little sweetie, then you click on it to enlarge the thing, and it's a cake!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 08:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't wanna be loved I just wanna quickie No bite marks, no scratches, and no hickeys !
←Rate | 08-21-2011 04:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How are you gonna dress like a ho, talk like a ho, walk like a ho, act like a ho, and then get mad when you are approached like a ho, addressed like a ho and treated like a ho? Silly ho.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 04:50 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon We're both fiction, you're too good to be true, and I don't exist to you.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 04:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sending mixed signals should be a federal offence!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 04:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pretending to be someone else is hurting and sabotaging yourself because you're telling yourself that the real you, is useless and worthless.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 04:40 by The VOICE Comments (0)  


   messageicon BOY: Hey you must be tired... GIRL: Let me guess, coz I was running through your mind all day? BOY: Hell No! From jumping to conclusions, b*tch
←Rate | 08-21-2011 03:59 by BAD GUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon If one drop of rain can find it's way to the ocean, one prayer can find it's way to God.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 03:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If 10 minutes after sex, the man is not hungry and the woman is not passed out, temporarily paralyzed, then somebody didn't do their job right.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 03:28 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon watching a Blade movie marathon and began to wonder; where did all these vampires learn there martial arts? What after-hours karate school do they go too?
←Rate | 08-21-2011 00:32 by Slick Rick Comments (0)  


   messageicon expecting the unexpected...so now the unexpected is expected thus, I am expecting the expected.. unexpectedly. ..
←Rate | 08-21-2011 00:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok, fine. I'll admit it. Most of the time when I'm in the bathroom, I'm hiding out from my kids.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 23:30 by F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think the only thing keeping me from knocking my kids' teeth out is not having dental insurance.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 23:28 by F Comments (0)  




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