Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Sex

   Sex is one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation, the other 8 are unimportant.

   Who needs love when you've got a gun?

   Peggy - "Tell me you love me, Al - "I love football, I love beer, let's not cheapen the meaning of the word."

   I think that the term "wife beater" wins the award for most Widely accepted unacceptable phrase.

   have you ever wondered that "Baba blacksheep" and "ABCD" has the same tune?? ;)

   Justin Beiber always sings about girls, she must be a lesbian

   People in relationships are so lucky they don't have to worry about what they look like anymore.

   The drunk text from a guy you decided not to go home with is like the ankle grab from someone you just shot

   I am WANTED by Stalkers...I am NEEDED by Beggars...I am FAMOUS by Gossipers...I am POPULAR by Haters... But they are all..."NOTHING" to me.

   You know the bars are closing when you see drunk girls in high heels walking down the street with the grace of newborn baby giraffes.

   my status is just an another update on the wall !

   Katy Perry's new video is so unrealistic, all those people exploding and not a Muslim in sight.

   When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass. I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.

   Taylor Swift must be the first person to have something given back to her after a black man stole it

   I love women's mentality "I said 'leave and never come back' but all I really want is you to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screaming 'I'm in love with you'!" - Taylor Swift

   Has anyone else noticed that Miley Cyrus looks an awful lot like Hannah Montana?

   I'm 6 weeks. Now make me a Goddamn sammich.........

   A fat girl on her knees gives new meaning to the word, "Ball Hog!"

   Before Facebook, if I read something really funny I would laugh. Now I just click the "Like" button without changing my facial expression at all.