Funny Status Messages

   Not a big conspiracy theory guy but I’m convinced that Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars are made by Dyson.

   [on Shark Tank] me: I believe you’ve misheard me –I said “nonstick PANTS”

   A bar and a bra , both drive men crazy when they open .

   eharmony just matched me with a dozen donuts

   Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be looters. Because the mamas who let their babies grow up to be cowboys are gonna have them kick your babies' sorry a$$es.

   Thinking of getting a portable hand held air horn to help remind people not wearing a mask to keep away from me.

   Somewhere Dr. Fauci is screaming that we must limit the stores to 10 looters at a time.

   "Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam

   Looting continues across the country. Police report no work boots stolen yet.

   To the austronauts left for space today, can you bring back another planet?

   So riots are part of phase one of the reopening?

   Stealing TVs and looting stores is NOT justice.

   Congratulations to the astronauts that left Earth today. Good choice.

   On the bright side, All the rioters are wearing mask.

   A Short Story: Once upon a time, a man asked a woman to marry him. She said no and they lived happily ever after.

   Time to take off you Hoser. God speed Bob and Doug Mckenzie

   The most unrealistic part of The Harry Potter books is that teenage boys have an invisibility cloak but aren’t constantly using it to watch the girls of Hogwarts when they are naked in the showers.

   Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.

   For the first time since 1945, the Scripps National Spelling Bee has been cancul... cancill... cansi... called off.

   "Alloweth me, I shan't be damned To probe around your lovely clam." - Spongebob Shakespeare