Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gays wear their boxes on backwards for easy access.

   If something goes without saying, why mention it?

   Don't really care too much about the new fb update but is there a way to "subscribe" to positive only updates? Filter out the complainers, negative-nancys, shoe-taggers, and crybabies?

   you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again? well,the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.....

   All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts

   walking along smiling to myself with the autumn sunshine,warming my face, kicking the golden leaves like in my childhood... WTF clean up after your god damn dogs! mutha f***ers!!!!!!

   What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

   Imagine living with 3 wives and never leaving the house for 5 years... I think Osama called the US Navy Seals himself

   love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

   If women were born with remote controls, the most commonly used buttons would be: PAUSE, MUTE, FAST-FORWARD, and SLEEP.

   WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties

   A crazy girlfriend is cute. But a crazy Ex-girlfriend is a nightmare

   Fellas: treat her special EVERYDAY, not just on a HOLIDAY or her BIRTHDAY..

   I bet you 20 dollas I'm broke

   The new facebook has been renamed "Facebook Inception". It has a newsfeed within a newsfeed within a newsfeed.

   Miss Right looks Wrong without make-up.

   Ladies: you should be grateful for even the smallest of things a man does for you. Why? Because he took time out of his day, to make your day more beautiful and special.

   Oprah makes $315,000,000/year = $26,000,000/month = $6,000,000/week = $850,000/day = $35,000/hour = $600/minute = $10/second

   "That's The Night That The Lights Went Out In Georgia"

   the new Judical System … GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY … and this is a country that is always trying to rule another !!