Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bet people in jail don't use scented body wash...Cuz the last thing you want is some dude rolling up on you talking bout, "Sniff sniff...You smell like Cherry Fruit Passion".....

   The akward moment when you say n!gga in front of a black person

   I bet I can maı̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨ke you wipe your computer screen.

   How depressing is it to have a freshman start over you in college sports? I mean you worked four hard years!!!!

   "What's worse than voices in your head?" When the voices don't Speak-English.

   Just because I'm recently single doesn't mean iv become desperate. Go away freaks!!!

   My truck is probably the most expensive bird toilet I own.

   A bill collector called me and I told them I had $17,208,857.23 in Mafia Wars but I'm having a problem transferring the funds to my checking.

   made a suggestion to Google Translate for "English to Ghetto".

   X says When I was a kid I wanted a pet giraffe & a working lightsaber, but then I hit puberty and found out I had a working "lightsaber" and didn't leave my bedroom for a year.

   Swagger: To conduct oneself in an arrogant or superciliously pompous manner <----Well said Sir Webster

   Hi, my name is shower and if you turn me on I will get you wet

   God then gave lean beef so that Man might eat healthy and still satisfy his appetite. But Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger, then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes!" And Satan smiled.

   Remember: some days you are the pigeon, some days you are the statue.

   I hate it when I'm at a fast food restaurant with friends and the dining room is empty...and the next couple that comes in has to sit at the table right next to you.

   When I was a kid I wanted a pet giraffe & a working lightsaber, but then I found out about boobs

   The year I was voted sexiest man alive by People Magazine was the greatest time in my life. Now? It just gets me beat up in bars

   She's not a slut, she's like Wi-Fi without password, everyone enjoys it.

   When someone is bringing more sorrow than happiness into your life, it's time to show them the exit door.

   Well if you have no intention of getting married, Reverend, it's not really Pre-Marital sex, is it?