Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   She's not a ‘stop-along-the-way' She's my destination.

   Please stand on your head now. Hurry. 370HSSV 0773H

   Some people are so strange. If you've seen a posted joke before... don't comment, just ignore it and move on.

   The first time I saw my ex in a thong I had to pay a cover charge....to see that same thong on her today, I would have to pay a surgeon!!

   got arrested last night...apparently pushing a hot wheel down the highway at 3 a.m. is frowned upon

   wondering what would have happened if we quit posting on page 2012...

   If anyone hears a loud wailing noises don't worry , it's just me paying my bills .

   Live everyday like it's your last because one day you'll be right!

   I'm not trying to be perfect, I'm trying to be better than I was the day before.

   The worst sight in the world is...SEEING YOUR MOTHER CRY.

   mad the only time people like stufff is if it's BAD... :\

   Chill bro, I don't want your girlfriend...actually, no one wants your girlfriend, that's why she's with you.

   Farts are the screams of trapped poo.

   Don't get overly excited whenever someone invites you over to hangout. It coud be you are just an option for when they are bored.

   I turn my pillow several times in the night because I like the cold side.

   People call me crazy, but you can call me tonight!

   Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   would someone please wake Green Day.

   BOY:"Would you wear socks if you had no feet?" GIRL:"Nope." BOY:"Then, why do you wear a bra?" GIRL:"Why do you wear pants?"

   How do you say "virgin" in Dutch? Goodentight.