santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The Hot New Toy this Christmas season will be "Outsource Me Elmo" Which is simply an empty box as Elmo's job has now gone to a Muppet in Asia.

   it's that time of the year to again remind all the douchebags that think Xmas is a word that they are all going to Hell...

   Mowing the grass on December 1st. Like every year, I'm having a green Christmas.

   My Christmas card this year is going to be a photo of a me in a recliner drinking a beer while watching football. It will say "Happy Holidays from a single guy."

   Watching Nightmare Before Christmas with a nice mug of wine and a bag of Doritos. This is the post-graduate life.

   When I was a kid I wrote to Santa Clause to "please send me a baby brother",,,,,,Santa wrote back "send me your mother"!

   Hey Holidays,,,, either start later or get more songs.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!

   Know what I going to Buy to My MAYAN friend for Christmas.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says "Help, need ride!"

   I know what I'm getting all my Mayan friends for Christmas!

   If I win $425 Million next Wednesday, what do you want for Christmas?

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast, it sound just like "Merry Christmas"..

   I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...

   I asked my wife what she wants for Christmas. She said, "Oh, nothing special." So I'm giving her a framed picture of her t!ts.

   saw a Mayan Xmas shopping today ........ seemed legit

   Black Friday... a special time to keep Capitalism in Christmas

   A stupid, ridiculous, sappy, eye-rolling Hallmark commercial just made me tear up...the holidays are officially here.

   I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!

   What's a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?