life Funny Status Messages

   "My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at" wrong people. :)

   My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.

   somedays I could do without the life lesson!

   For every time a woman replies "fine" to you, you lose a day off your life.

   My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson.

   Science shows having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die

   Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.

   My brain must think sleep= death... every time I try to fall asleep, my life flashes before my eyes. Well, the embarrassing bits, anyways.

   Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.

   My life is like an 80s movie. Bad acting, some drug abuse, but a great soundtrack.

   I've disappointed a lot of people in my life, you're not special.

   Pro life tip: I've found the best way to avoid my life ending from a police officer is to continue being white.

   Pro life tip:I've found the best way to avoid my life ending from a police officer is to not break the law.If I do break the law, then I comply with their authority.If I do not agree with their authority I surrender and allow due process with an attorney.

   This might be the cocaine talking but babysitting your two kids tonight was the best experience of my life.

   I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.

   My life is just one long improvisation.

   You don't know me. You don't know my life. You don't know what milk to cereal ratio I prefer.

   life's hard, get a helmet!

   In response to recent rape allegations, TV Land has pulled all episodes of the Cosby Show off the air. My life is ruined.

   The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...