Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4491 of 6398
There is nothing better than waking up to morning sex, unless you wake up in prison.
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09-21-2011 15:05 by Tman294
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Don't you hate when you're driving and smell oil or a hot radiator and then automatically assume it's "your" car.
Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody Internet: Without me you are nothing Electricity: Keep talking!
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09-21-2011 14:48
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shocked to hear that R.E.M. just broke up, No wait, I was shocked to hear that they were still together to be able to break up.
Dear Mark Zuckerberg... We left Myspace because Facebook was simple, not all flashy, & it was always changing crap... FYI... Your running a close race now... Leave an option for us to keep it simple... Thanks...
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09-21-2011 13:54
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In the game of life, if you're keeping score you're not "winning".
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09-21-2011 13:19
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If you hear a thud don't worry , it's just me dancing naked on your roof .
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09-21-2011 13:15
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I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure
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09-21-2011 12:45
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things Facebook changes, the courage to change the settings I can, and the wisdom to know it won't make a difference.
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09-21-2011 12:41
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I'm so starved for entertainment I'm thinking about putting a rubber band around my own kitchen sink sprayer....
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09-21-2011 12:34
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you can t make sense out of nonsense!
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09-21-2011 12:26
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used to be indecive but now she's not so sure
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09-21-2011 12:23 by Linda
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Man, I could go for some mechanically separated chicken right about now.
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09-21-2011 12:01 by MTQ
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: "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, & especially his third cou
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09-21-2011 11:50
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everyone needs to stop freacking out every time facebook makes a change. its facebook. you'll be ok
When someone complains about facebook making changes, what they really mean is, "I just barely learned how to turn on my computer this year."
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09-21-2011 10:30 by Mike M
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Making love is like making pancakes. When done on one side, flip over to finish.
Facebook is like a relationship, once you think you have it all figured out, everything changes.
I think if my rich neighbor realized just how awesome of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation.
I'm a very persuasive person. I can convince myself of anything.